I’m having a really hard time at the moment. Ever since I
got back from Rome I have been thinking about home and home for me will always
and forever be Brisbane. I’ve been constantly in my head about this and really
trying to think what I want and what I should do next. I might just be feeling
this way because I miss my man (He is in London for the next few days) but I think
it is more than that.
I came to Denmark because I didn’t really know what I wanted
my life to be about. I am still unsure for the most part but I know I want a
huge part of my life to be about my relationships with my family and my
friends. I want to have better relationships with the people I love and I want
to be closer to them.
Basically, I can think of a million and one reasons to go
home but I can only think of one reason to stay here in Denmark: I want to
learn Danish!. I hate myself for doing this to myself but I am mentally not
here in Copenhagen anymore. I want to
want to stay here and make it work but ultimately I don’t think I can enjoy
being here much longer when I know all the comfort and love I ever need in my
life is in Brisbane.
I know this is a decision I have to make for myself. I just
don’t want to end up regretting it – I think I am also secretly afraid that
people will judge me for giving up so easily. The Viking in me wants to stay
and prove to myself I can do it, but that wimpy fucking goddess in me says “follow
your heart” … and my heart is in Brisbane. FUCK.
I’ve thought a little about what (if anything) I will do
differently if and when I get back to Brisbane and to tell you the truth, I don’t
think a lot will change. And that I am worried about. I don’t want to be home
for 3 months and think to myself ‘I should have tried harder to stay in Denmark’.
Sometimes it just takes extracting yourself from your usual
influences to discover what it is that really matters to you. Fuck, that was
expensive.
I still haven’t made up my mind.
f.
